??????ASK TOPAZ??????

Hi! I'm Topaz! I'm here to solve all of your problems, or at least the ones I find vaguely amusing. You can always depend on me to be 100% corect (even if my spelling doesn't show it). I studied for years at U.O.B. (University Of Bob) learning to give you the advice. SO don't be afraid to ask away!

        Dear Topaz,
                I forgot my name! What is it?
        Dear Nameless,
                Forget your old name.Chances are it was a realy nerdy name anyway. What you need is a new cool name like Snitter, Gorfulump, Waggley, or if you need a super modified name how about Topaz? No, that's my name. Deytertodrej? Gifoduhhkyguk? Or if you want to be REALLY WEIRD how about Emily or Mike?
                                All of my love,

        dEeR Topess%
                   Wut r u duin? y r u riting tupid lettirs? ho wood rite 2 u with a kweston?

         Dear "kristafer",
                    You are one of the most "tupid" people I have ever met! Maybe if you didn't spend all your time at 7eleven trying to get free slurpies from the nice old ladies who work there you could go to school and learn to spell your own name. I'm not even going to mention that you said nobody "wood rite 2 u with a kweston" and yet you wrote to me with a 'kweston" your self.
I'm guessing thatyou have a lot of anger built up insid you. Heres what you can do to get rid of some of that stress: First get a realy realy ripe cantelope, climb to the top of your book shelf, put the cantelope on your head and JUMP!
                                Despite your rudeness I hope you have a healthy, happy life,

        Dear Topaz,
                My son recenty climbed to the top of the book shelf and got cantelope all over the cealing! It left a horible orange spot that will not go away no matter how hard I scrub. What should I do?
                                    scrubbing cantelope

        Dear S.C.,
                Heres what you do. take out all your nail polish . Remove any thing orange because thats the color that started this whole problem. Paint a picter of Richard Simmons or Bob Marly on your cealing. No one will even notice that silly little spot.
                        All my love and affection,


        Dear "Topaz"(What ever that means...)
                Me and my co-workers are insulted by your stuipidity for 3 reasons.
                    #1: We are NOT old ladies (Except for Greta)
                    #2: If any dumb kids were trying to get free slurpies during school hours, we'd phone his/her school and/or his/her parent/parents/guardian/guardians and/or the/a police/police officer and get/kick him/her out of our/my 7eleven/7 11.
                    #3: We aren't even nice.  SO LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!  We are SICK and TIRED of the constant insults targeting 7eleven.
                                                                                                        angry at "Topaz",
                                                                                                              Bobert Jones (and co-workers)

    Dear Bobert,
           First of all: it's my co-workers and I, not me and my co-workers.  I sorry to lable you old ladies as "nice." I am sure you are quite unpleasant and I am sorry I insulted you. Send my love to Gretta and the other old ladies.
                                                                    Topaz(Which is my name, and a really cool one at that)
P.S. Shouldn't you be tending to the slurpie machine instead of looking at my website and writing me angry letters?


If  YOU have a question, Ask Topaz !



                                                                Click here to visit my mentor, Snee.